Overview

"Where the River Flows is an honest, poetic, heartbreaking account of how my divorce catapulted me down a yearlong obsession to find the answer to the burning question I had every single day after my husband asked me for a divorce: ""Why?"" Was it my inability to show him love like he'd told me? Was it an old attachment wound, still unhealed and bubbling at the surface? Was it the sexual trauma I'd never resolved and carried into our marriage? Was it my very real and frequent urge to end my life? Or was it him? Was it his lack of understanding for my mental illness? His lost patience for me as I tirelessly worked through old wounds in therapy? Stress from the yearlong motorcycle trip of his dreams that I vowed to go on, and did just after our wedding day? As I spiraled myself around this question and fell deeper and deeper into a depression, as the binges became more intense and the purges returned for the first time in years, as the urges to die grew stronger and when I curled myself in a ball on the shower floor, banging my fists against my belly like I'd first done seventeen years before, I started to believe that what my husband said to me in our last few days together might be true: ""It's like there are three people in our marriage. You, me, and your Eating Disorder. And sometimes I think you love her more than me."" If you or someone you know has struggled with an Eating Disorder, sexual or developmental trauma, depression, anxiety, suicidal thinking, divorce, grief, then it is my hope you will find yourself and your loved ones in the pages of this memoir. You are not alone."

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9781736099223

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Reviews

This book spoke as if directly to me. So much of my own life experiences, my thoughts, my feelings were all read here. I'm not alone, as so many aren't even though we feel that way. This was raw to the fullest, real, relatable, sad and hopeful. -Elisa I believe anybody who has or does struggle with an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, any mental health struggles, and anybody going through or has been through a divorce would benefit from this book. -Samara One of the main reasons I would recommend it is because it deconstructs dominant discourse that we have all internalized and helps pull us into the way we need to start talking about mental health (etc. etc.). It is helping create a more empowered universal language and understanding for the struggle that many people have to overcome. It is beautifully written, accessible, inviting, non-judgemental text. - Hannah Zimmering, MC, Provisional Psychologist This book touched my soul in a way I never imagined a book could. Everyone has something to gain from this memoir. -Marijke, Mindset Mentor I feel like every single person in the world would benefit from reading this book. It's about life - as it really is. Life as it ebbs and flows in the lives of real humans with real - big - feelings. And a perfect commentary to how depression, anxiety, doubts and tears are all a part of the human experience - and also a testimony to the fact that we will be okay at the end of the day. -asked to stay anonymous As a person in ED-recovery as well, I've rarely felt seen in the way I felt seen in this book. -Nanna Rachel's bravery in baring her soul and sharing her journey is truly an inspiration to those who live with a mental illness. Regardless the cause and symptoms, the journey to dig deep and unravel the layers takes courage, determination and resilience, and Rachel reminds us that no matter what we believe, we are not as alone in our journey as we think we are. She teaches us that living with a mental illness doesn't need to be a permanent negative life sentence. With the right tools we can manage and maintain a normal healthy life too. -Catrina This book is one of the best books I have ever read in my life. So honest and raw. Everyone needs to crack this book open and read it. -Ida Everyone should read this. If I were to niche down: women, LGBTQIA+ community, those struggling with mental health issues, and family and support for those with mental health illnesses. Anyone who has struggled or known someone who has struggled with an ED. Any married person. Anyone who has parents. Anyone who internalizes and puts extreme pressure on themselves. ANY woman. -asked to stay anonymous This book has given me so much more understanding about myself in a beautiful, real and groundbreaking way. Everyone who struggles in any way will definitely benefit from this book, but also people who are trying to understand loved ones who struggle with their mental health. - Kim I read this book in one day. The way Rachel puts feelings a lot of us felt, and are probably stills, into words is what makes this book special. Reading about her experiences made me feel less alone and less ashamed of what I was going through. At the end I felt like I not only had an ally but also a friend. Beautifully written and easy to follow, it's a book you don't want to put down. - Maria I essentially took a PTO day just to finish this book. I could not stop reading it. It is the bravest, most touching and beautifully written thing I've ever read. This book is needed. - Gabrielle

"""This book spoke as if directly to me. So much of my own life experiences, my thoughts, my feelings were all read here. I'm not alone, as so many aren't even though we feel that way. This was raw to the fullest, real, relatable, sad and hopeful."" -Elisa ""I believe anybody who has or does struggle with an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, any mental health struggles, and anybody going through or has been through a divorce would benefit from this book."" -Samara ""One of the main reasons I would recommend it is because it deconstructs dominant discourse that we have all internalized and helps pull us into the way we need to start talking about mental health (etc. etc.). It is helping create a more empowered universal language and understanding for the struggle that many people have to overcome. It is beautifully written, accessible, inviting, non-judgemental text."" - Hannah Zimmering, MC, Provisional Psychologist ""This book touched my soul in a way I never imagined a book could. Everyone has something to gain from this memoir."" -Marijke, Mindset Mentor ""I feel like every single person in the world would benefit from reading this book. It's about life - as it really is. Life as it ebbs and flows in the lives of real humans with real - big - feelings. And a perfect commentary to how depression, anxiety, doubts and tears are all a part of the human experience - and also a testimony to the fact that we will be okay at the end of the day."" -asked to stay anonymous ""As a person in ED-recovery as well, I've rarely felt seen in the way I felt seen in this book."" -Nanna ""Rachel's bravery in baring her soul and sharing her journey is truly an inspiration to those who live with a mental illness. Regardless the cause and symptoms, the journey to dig deep and unravel the layers takes courage, determination and resilience, and Rachel reminds us that no matter what we believe, we are not as alone in our journey as we think we are. She teaches us that living with a mental illness doesn't need to be a permanent negative life sentence. With the right tools we can manage and maintain a normal healthy life too."" -Catrina ""This book is one of the best books I have ever read in my life. So honest and raw. Everyone needs to crack this book open and read it."" -Ida ""Everyone should read this. If I were to niche down: women, LGBTQIA+ community, those struggling with mental health issues, and family and support for those with mental health illnesses. Anyone who has struggled or known someone who has struggled with an ED. Any married person. Anyone who has parents. Anyone who internalizes and puts extreme pressure on themselves. ANY woman."" -asked to stay anonymous ""This book has given me so much more understanding about myself in a beautiful, real and groundbreaking way. Everyone who struggles in any way will definitely benefit from this book, but also people who are trying to understand loved ones who struggle with their mental health."" - Kim ""I read this book in one day. The way Rachel puts feelings a lot of us felt, and are probably stills, into words is what makes this book special. Reading about her experiences made me feel less alone and less ashamed of what I was going through. At the end I felt like I not only had an ally but also a friend. Beautifully written and easy to follow, it's a book you don't want to put down."" - Maria ""I essentially took a PTO day just to finish this book. I could not stop reading it. It is the bravest, most touching and beautifully written thing I've ever read. This book is needed."" - Gabrielle"

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