Overview

"My child is transgender. He was once a she. When He Was Anna: A Mom's Journey Into the Transgender World is a mother's brutally honest story of the stress and confusion that consumed her family in the early years of her child's transition from female to male. In the end, there is one certainty--the struggle is real; so is the love. In ""When He Was Anna: A Mom's Journey Into the Transgender World,"" Patti courageously shares her doubts, anxiety, and gut-wrenching questions she has about her teenager's difficult choice. In this beautiful, raw, and emotional book, Patti bares her soul. Through humor and candor, Patti shares her journey and allows other parents a chance to honestly explore their feelings so they can make their way through the complicated world of parenting, pronouns and loving a transgender child."

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9781950306381

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Reviews

At sixteen, Hornstra's youngest daughter announces that he is transgender, now identifies with male pronouns, and now calls himself Lucas. Roughly three years, several therapists, and many arguments and hurt feelings later, Lucas, now known as Tristan, affirms his gender choice, although his explosive rage regarding his parents' skepticism about testosterone therapy and top surgery cuts a deep schism through Tristan's relationships with Hornstra and her husband. . . Hornstra reflects on her feelings and thoughts without apology, describing her path to coming to accept Tristan despite still not fully understanding. Hornstra acknowledges early on that she can't always be politically correct, a term she uses thoughtfully rather than as a point of pride, and that writing this book is part of her process of coming to terms. The emotions are still raw: I hope that one day Tristan sees me as two things, she writes. 1) a mama who was strong enough to never go over the edge, no matter how close she got, and 2) a mama who loved her no matter what. Many passages are difficult to read without strong feelings, scenes that were undoubtedly even harder for the family to live through. Hornstra reports that she still struggles to use male pronouns consistently, although it pains her when others make the same mistake or simply refuse. . . she notes that the book has won The Tristan Seal of Approval -and that she'd not have published without it. A glossary of up-to-date terminology demonstrates her engagement with issues of language, identity, and power, while the book itself lays bare her own journey, warts and all, possibly helping other parents arrive at acceptance-and maybe even understanding. Takeaway: This honest, unflinching account of parenting a transgender child will help other parents understand. BookLife A religious parent recounts raising a transgender child in this debut memoir. Though Hornstra's life as a dedicated wife of 34 years and self-described control-freak mother of four is certainly brimming with family stories, her focus in this touching book is on her youngest daughter, Anna Marie. After a challenging, emotional journey, Anna transitioned at the age of 16 to become the Virginia author's son, Tristan Blaine. . . The high school years were consumed by participating in a marching band and, despite a series of psychotherapists, honing the kind of youthful independence that alienates parents. . . Throughout Hornstra's honest and consistently earnest narration, her Roman Catholic faith played a key role in how the author ini tially treated the revelation, hesitated to embrace it, and continued to integrate it into her family's reality. . . The author's narrative is refreshingly frank, brazen, and outspoken. . . Without question, this work is unabashedly Hornstra's personal saga: a mother's candid confessional from her own heart that candy-coats no detail or emotion. This direct tone is set right from the book's introduction, where the author acknowledges Tristan's transition yet finds herself continuously trying to grasp the situation while not completely understanding it, admitting deep down inside, I still don't get it. The emotional struggle remains. Writing about the process and its emotional heft became a therapeutic salve and a way to handle and eventually accept the associated grief, heartache, confusion, and complications of her position as a mother parenting a transgender child. These kinds of revelations will resonate with readers who find themselves at a critical crossroads in a similar situation or mired in uncertainty throughout this delicate, precarious process. In addition, Hornstra offers a practical glossary of relevant terms and follow-up reading material. A forthright and moving portrait of parental love and its capacity for acceptance. Kirkus Reviews

"At sixteen, Hornstra's youngest daughter announces that he is transgender, now identifies with male pronouns, and now calls himself Lucas. Roughly three years, several therapists, and many arguments and hurt feelings later, Lucas, now known as Tristan, affirms his gender choice, although his explosive rage regarding his parents' skepticism about testosterone therapy and top surgery cuts a deep schism through Tristan's relationships with Hornstra and her husband. . . Hornstra reflects on her feelings and thoughts without apology, describing her path to coming to ""accept"" Tristan despite still not fully understanding. Hornstra acknowledges early on that she can't always be ""politically correct,"" a term she uses thoughtfully rather than as a point of pride, and that writing this book is part of her process of coming to terms. The emotions are still raw: ""I hope that one day Tristan sees me as two things,"" she writes. ""1) a mama who was strong enough to never go over the edge, no matter how close she got, and 2) a mama who loved her no matter what."" Many passages are difficult to read without strong feelings, scenes that were undoubtedly even harder for the family to live through. Hornstra reports that she still struggles to use male pronouns consistently, although it pains her when others make the same mistake or simply refuse. . . she notes that the book has won ""The Tristan Seal of Approval""-and that she'd not have published without it. A glossary of up-to-date terminology demonstrates her engagement with issues of language, identity, and power, while the book itself lays bare her own journey, warts and all, possibly helping other parents arrive at acceptance-and maybe even understanding. Takeaway: This honest, unflinching account of parenting a transgender child will help other parents understand. BookLife A religious parent recounts raising a transgender child in this debut memoir. Though Hornstra's life as a dedicated wife of 34 years and self-described ""control-freak"" mother of four is certainly brimming with family stories, her focus in this touching book is on her youngest daughter, Anna Marie. After a challenging, emotional journey, Anna transitioned at the age of 16 to become the Virginia author's son, Tristan Blaine. . . The high school years were consumed by participating in a marching band and, despite a series of psychotherapists, honing the kind of youthful independence that alienates parents. . . Throughout Hornstra's honest and consistently earnest narration, her Roman Catholic faith played a key role in how the author ini tially treated the revelation, hesitated to embrace it, and continued to integrate it into her family's reality. . . The author's narrative is refreshingly frank, brazen, and outspoken. . . Without question, this work is unabashedly Hornstra's personal saga: a mother's candid confessional from her own heart that candy-coats no detail or emotion. This direct tone is set right from the book's introduction, where the author acknowledges Tristan's transition yet finds herself continuously trying to grasp the situation while not completely understanding it, admitting ""deep down inside, I still don't get it. The emotional struggle remains."" Writing about the process and its emotional heft became a therapeutic salve and a way to handle and eventually accept the associated grief, heartache, confusion, and complications of her position as a mother parenting a transgender child. These kinds of revelations will resonate with readers who find themselves at a critical crossroads in a similar situation or mired in uncertainty throughout this delicate, precarious process. In addition, Hornstra offers a practical glossary of relevant terms and follow-up reading material. A forthright and moving portrait of parental love and its capacity for acceptance. Kirkus Reviews"

Author Information

Patti Hornstra is a native of Richmond, Virginia, and a graduate from Virginia Commonwealth University with degrees in Marketing and Business Education. She married the love of her life, Curtis, in 1987 and together they have raised four children. They have adjusted nicely to life as empty nesters and eagerly await life's next great adventure. Patti is the author of Unholy Scandal: Based on a True Story and When He Was Anna: A Mom's Journey Into the Transgender World. Follow her at www.authorpattihornstra.com

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