Overview

In her eighties, Sandra Butler does not identify as elderly. Or mature. She's neither plucky nor a burden, and she's not over any hills. She's old, and she's ready to reclaim that word. In this funny and intensely personal collection of essays, Butler chronicles her experience moving from aging to old, remembering and forgetting all the wrong things, feeling frustrated with technology, keeping up with the avalanche of cultural and political news, mothering two middle-aged daughters, surveying her old body, and ultimately, preparing for her death. With its sharp humor and refreshing honesty, The Kitchen Is Closed is a must-read for aging women, eldercare workers, and adult children who want to gain a fuller sense of their mother's life. Old women are cast aside in white American culture, Butler argues, and it's both disheartening and disrespectful. Butler is not a senior-she's a mother, a lesbian, a Jew, a feminist, and at times, a rabble-rousing hectorer. And now that her time is running out, Butler doesn't mess around with things that don't matter. She is supremely motivated, and she's so much braver than ever before.

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Reviews

Sandra Butler once again demonstrates deft skill and daring observation in her deeply personal essays about being old. Reflecting on her life thus far, Sandra generously reveals her internal world as it relates to the state of her aging body, sexuality, friendships, travel, and even her fashion choices. In Sandra's capable hands, these reflections make visible both the positive and painful experiences that many older women endure in silence, especially in a society characterized by ageism and misogyny. Sandra's greatest contribution to social and political life has been to break silences. She did this with her early writing on incest and in her cowriting with her dying partner describing the loss of one's great love. In this recent collection of essays, Sandy strips away any lingering avoidance some of us may have in confronting aging and offers us the gentle salve of her insights, humor, and wisdom. -Dr. Lori Haskell, clinical psychologist Sandra Butler's The Kitchen Is Closed: And Other Benefits of Being Old takes on the subject of women and aging with piercing honesty and life-affirming gusto. This is not a somber 'what you should expect' or 'how you should feel' journey. Instead we experience life as she experiences it-with wisdom and humor that reflect both the challenges and the joys of one woman's passage into elderhood. This book is a must read for people of all ages. And, over and above its wisdom, it is a joy to read and enjoy the company of this beautiful narrative voice. -Janet L. Holmgren, president emerita, Mills College The Kitchen Is Closed is a tenderhearted, funny compendium of stories, memories, and musings about aging, feminism, spirituality, culture, politics, and the body. Sandra Butler's memoir is unambiguously Jewish, salty, and occasionally wistful as she reflects with unrepentant honesty about her life as a mother, activist, friend, writer, lover of jazz, and citizen of the world. Her storytelling is imbued with warmth, well-earned sovereignty, and a sprinkling of humility. -Karen Erlichman, spiritual director, LCSW, DMin As I read Butler's collection, I began a mental list of all the women I want to send this book to-as a road map, as a reminder to be just this tender, brave, witty, and self-accepting when we reach our eighties. Her writing illuminates how we all might inhabit our old age with curiosity, courage, and a well-developed sense of humor. -Penny Rosenwasser, activist, educator, and author of Hope into Practice: Jewish Women Choosing Justice Despite Our Fears At last-a wise and witty romp through old age with nothing off-limits! Butler's deep dive is an invitation to recognize what it looks like to live an old life-on purpose. -Rochelle Lefkowitz, founder and president, Pro-Media Communications; cofounder, Elder Action

Sandra Butler once again demonstrates deft skill and daring observation in her deeply personal essays about being old. Reflecting on her life thus far, Sandra generously reveals her internal world as it relates to the state of her aging body, sexuality, friendships, travel, and even her fashion choices. In Sandra's capable hands, these reflections make visible both the positive and painful experiences that many older women endure in silence, especially in a society characterized by ageism and misogyny. Sandra's greatest contribution to social and political life has been to break silences. She did this with her early writing on incest and in her cowriting with her dying partner describing the loss of one's great love. In this recent collection of essays, Sandy strips away any lingering avoidance some of us may have in confronting aging and offers us the gentle salve of her insights, humor, and wisdom. -Dr. Lori Haskell, clinical psychologist Sandra Butler's The Kitchen Is Closed: And Other Benefits of Being Old takes on the subject of women and aging with piercing honesty and life-affirming gusto. This is not a somber 'what you should expect' or 'how you should feel' journey. Instead we experience life as she experiences it-with wisdom and humor that reflect both the challenges and the joys of one woman's passage into elderhood. This book is a must read for people of all ages. And, over and above its wisdom, it is a joy to read and enjoy the company of this beautiful narrative voice. -Janet L. Holmgren, president emerita, Mills College The Kitchen Is Closed is a tenderhearted, funny compendium of stories, memories, and musings about aging, feminism, spirituality, culture, politics, and the body. Sandra Butler's memoir is unambiguously Jewish, salty, and occasionally wistful as she reflects with unrepentant honesty about her life as a mother, activist, friend, writer, lover of jazz, and citizen of the world. Her storytelling is imbued with warmth, well-earned sovereignty, and a sprinkling of humility. -Karen Erlichman, spiritual director, LCSW, DMin As I read Butler's collection, I began a mental list of all the women I want to send this book to-as a road map, as a reminder to be just this tender, brave, witty, and self-accepting when we reach our eighties. Her writing illuminates how we all might inhabit our old age with curiosity, courage, and a well-developed sense of humor. -Penny Rosenwasser, activist, educator, and author of Hope into Practice: Jewish Women Choosing Justice Despite Our Fears At last-a wise and witty romp through old age with nothing off-limits! Butler's deep dive is an invitation to recognize what it looks like to live an old life-on purpose. -Rochelle Lefkowitz, founder and president, Pro-Media Communications; cofounder, Elder Action

Author Information

Sandra Butler is the author of several books, each designed to identify something unspoken and move those issues into public conversation. Conspiracy of Silence: The Trauma of Incest brought attention to the sexual violation of girls, Cancer in Two Voices frankly explored how a lesbian couple navigates the death of a partner, and It Never Ends: Mothering Middle-Aged Daughters described the intersection of aging and mothering while challenging the myths around both.Over the past three decades, Butler has written dozens of articles, reviews, and essays that have appeared in a range of periodicals and anthologies. She has facilitated workshops for community activists, social workers, and psychologists on violence against women and has lectured on women's issues nationally and internationally. She lived in the San Francisco Bay area for fifty years before moving to Phoenix, Arizona.

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