Overview

In the spirit of Rebecca Traister's Good and Mad and Roxane Gay's Bad Feminist comes a courageous, in-depth investigation into the modern epidemic of shame in our society—what it is, why women are uniquely susceptible, and how we can shift the shame off our plates and live our best lives in an over-exposed, image-obsessed world. For millions of women, shame is a vicious predator. It tells us we are less than, that we are unworthy. We try everything to escape shame—ignoring it, intellectualizing it, and even, ironically, shaming ourselves for feeling it. The reality is that women experience shame more frequently and more intensely than men—a direct result, as acclaimed journalist Melissa Petro explains, of a patriarchal culture that “urges women to feel bad about themselves, and then punishes them when they do.” Why can’t we figure out how to break the shame cycle once and for all? In Shame on You, Petro takes on the issue of women’s shame directly with an unflinching look at the social systems that encourage women to believe we are deeply inadequate. From shame’s beginnings ( Maybe she’s born with it? Nope, it’s misogyny.) to its effect on our lives as adults (How the humiliation of “bad women” affects us all.), shame poisons our friendships, romantic relationships, and work lives. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Blending investigative reporting, science, literature, and hundreds of women’s personal stories—including her own shameful account of winding up as an unwitting New York Post cover girl—Petro offers us a new way forward. No matter what you do, she explains, there is no escaping being judged. And yet, the women we can become—sometimes as a consequence of shame, rather than in spite of it—are powerful indeed. And maybe that’s what others are afraid of.

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9780593714997

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Reviews

"""Melissa Petro writes so honestly and beautifully about the experiences and feelings that the world teaches women to bury. Here, she’s going deeper, unafraid to explore the rawest corners of blame and suppression. I feel sure this will be the exact book that women need."" —Jia Tolentino, author of Trick Mirror ""Compassionately reported and personally resonant. Shame on You exposes the dark inner voice of shame that tells us we’re irredeemable, then reveals where we learned those awful scripts in the first place, giving us the power to write our own redemptive narrative at last. Beyond understanding shame, Shame on You hands readers a roadmap for reclaiming their identity from the grips of shame.” —Gemma Hartley, author of Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward “Heal yourself. Buy this book.” —Mandy Stadtmiller, author of Unwifeable"

"""Melissa Petro writes so honestly and beautifully about the experiences and feelings that the world teaches women to bury. Here, she’s going deeper, unafraid to explore the rawest corners of blame and suppression. I feel sure this will be the exact book that women need."" —Jia Tolentino, author of Trick Mirror ""A candid, assured debut that demonstrates the insight, authority, and resiliency that can be wrought from even the most excoriating experiences. Petro is a wise and humane guide who has performed that alchemy and is generous with her findings."" —Melissa Febos, author of Girlhood, winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism ""Compassionately reported and personally resonant. Shame on You exposes the dark inner voice of shame that tells us we’re irredeemable, then reveals where we learned those awful scripts in the first place, giving us the power to write our own redemptive narrative at last. Beyond understanding shame, Shame on You hands readers a roadmap for reclaiming their identity from the grips of shame.” —Gemma Hartley, author of Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward “Heal yourself. Buy this book.” —Mandy Stadtmiller, author of Unwifeable"

“Equal parts self-help, memoir and social investigation, Petro’s triumphant debut methodically presents how shame has pervaded almost every aspect of our lives, and offers up ways to free ourselves from it…Petro invites us to get ‘quiet and curious’ in our efforts to flush shame into the light and challenge its control over our lives.” —BookPage (starred review) “Equal parts memoir and investigative reporting, Melissa Petro’s debut dives deep into unpacking how a single emotion can permeate so much of our lives. I rarely refer to nonfiction books as ‘page-turners’ but Shame on You is exactly that. If you enjoy the work of Jia Tolentino, Roxane Gay, and Rebecca Traister, this is an absolute must-read.” —Bustle ""A candid, assured debut that demonstrates the insight, authority, and resiliency that can be wrought from even the most excoriating experiences. Petro is a wise and humane guide who has performed that alchemy and is generous with her findings."" —Melissa Febos, author of Girlhood, winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism “Melissa Petro’s work on shame is vital and necessary, and this book will feel like your best friend.” —Jennifer Pastiloff, author of On Being Human and creator of Shame-Loss ""Compassionately reported and personally resonant. Shame on You exposes the dark inner voice of shame that tells us we’re irredeemable, then reveals where we learned those awful scripts in the first place, giving us the power to write our own redemptive narrative at last. Beyond understanding shame, Shame on You hands readers a roadmap for reclaiming their identity from the grips of shame.” —Gemma Hartley, author of Fed Up “Heal yourself. Buy this book.” —Mandy Stadtmiller, author of Unwifeable “A memoir and guidebook about recovering from shame…Petro’s primary qualifications are her experiences, dogged curiosity, and commitment to spreading compassion and understanding about shame and its many ramifications in the lives of women. An earnest and sincere book fueled by a clear belief in sharing as a means of catharsis.” —Kirkus Reviews “Melissa Petro has written a deeply relatable and empathetic guide to living with and learning from all that shame has to teach us, marrying the personal with the universal in a book that's as inspiring as a guidebook and as readable as a memoir.” —Emily Gould, author of Friendship and Perfect Tunes “There is no better feeling as a reader than a book that awakens or makes you feel seen. Melissa Petro’s Shame on You does both. Using her own experiences navigating shame as a springboard, Petro writes with curiosity and compassion, weaving research and personal stories to illustrate how shame permeates our lives. More than that, she shines a light on paths forward—paths to reclaiming oneself, paths out of that shame. And we need those paths more than ever.” —Erin Khar, author of Strung Out “In Shame on You, Petro triumphantly reclaims control of her own narrative and destiny, offering a powerful guide for women living under the weight of guilt and shame on how to do the same. This intersectional work showcases Petro's ascent from society's depths, providing a triumphant reclamation of her story and destiny that inspires and empowers.” —Tiffanie Drayton, author of Black American Refugee  “Melissa Petro’s compulsively readable investigation of shame moved me deeply with its honesty and insight, and had me nodding vigorously with every page. Petro elegantly interweaves her own hard-won voice with a chorus of others, revealing that our collective shame, when vocalized, makes a shockingly beautiful sound. Shame on You is an incomparable gift: a book that has the capacity to free—and maybe even save—us.” —Simone Gorrindo, author of The Wives

Author Information

Melissa Petro is a journalist whose writing has been featured in The Washington Post, Allure, Cosmopolitan, Rolling Stone, Good Housekeeping, The Guardian, InStyle, and many other national publications. She was a finalist for the PEN/Fusion Emerging Writers Prize, and she holds a bachelor in Women’s Studies from Antioch and an MFA in Creative Nonfiction from The New School. She lives with her husband and two young children in Upstate New York.

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