Overview

Columbus, Ohio. First 17 years (in hindsight). Learning not to like myself all the time. (Get Yourself High by the Chemical Brothers). I was born and had two parents that had no time to even have one. I grew up watching both of them spend less and less time with me. Lying to spare me the truth that would be my life. Through their actions, they knew they were predicting my future. The problem was they never asked me what I wanted; never listened, nor encouraged what I was dreaming about. Eventually, this starvation for attention would keep me from growing up. You can't grow up wanting something from someone else. You can't predict the future wanting something from someone else. I started doing stupid things; happiness and attention...check. Then a round of feeling bad about myself because of what I had done; depression and attention...check. Then another round of bad shit, etc., etc. you can see the future already. I didn't even have to take responsibility for my happiness or depression; someone else would do that for me. Ba-Bam. My new system. A foundation built of wanting from others. I am the classic victim story. A victim of my want from others. I was never very enthusiastic or good at school. Still, I graduated early with a D+ average and joined the 75th Ranger Regiment at seventeen as an E-2 (thank you Civil Air Patrol). I had my whole life planned, folded, and in my wallet. My new system.

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9781545175996

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