Overview

Why do some threats to love make us controlling, while other people's wins make us small? This book draws a clean line between jealousy (protecting a valued bond) and envy (stung by someone else's advantage) and shows how to turn both from liabilities into leverage. Moving from ancient myth and scripture to neuroscience, psychology, anthropology, and organizational design, Tobias H. Wren offers a rare combination: big-picture insight and Monday-morning playbooks. You'll travel from Hera, Medea, and the evil eye to Shakespeare, Caravaggio, and modern films; from sumptuary laws and potlatch to social media feeds and status metrics. Along the way, you'll learn why these emotions evolved, how culture amplifies or softens them, and-most importantly-how to redirect them toward safer relationships and smarter ambition. What you'll get inside A plain-English model of jealousy and envy grounded in evolution, appraisal, and core psychological needs (competence, autonomy, relatedness). Field-tested tools: the Jealousy Half-Life diary, Copy-Action Ratio, admiration-to-action drills, procedural trust scripts, and recognition hygiene for teams. Step-by-step guides from multiple approaches (CBT/ACT/EFT/CFT), plus somatic foundations (sleep, breath, HRV) and digital boundaries for calmer comparison. Cross-cultural lenses: Buddhist muditā, Stoic control/concern, the evil eye and other ""cultural technologies"" that societies use to manage status and threat. Clear safety rails: what's normal, what's problematic, and when to seek clinical help (obsessional jealousy, coercive control, malicious envy). Who it's for Partners who want trust without surveillance. Creators and professionals who want high standards without corrosive comparison. Leaders who need fair, legible credit systems. Anyone who's ever felt the sting-and wants a smarter response. The promise You'll finish with a new language for two old emotions and a set of repeatable moves to shorten fights, turn admiration into skill, and design homes, teams, and platforms where dignity and excellence can coexist. This is not another book about ""being less emotional."" It's a manual for wanting wisely and caring well.

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