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An excerpt: <br> What's horrifying is to watch the transformation that's going on, for every day I get further and further away from the person I was. I can't dance with my life anymore; now my life is a detour filled with obstacles, and I react extremely because I can't handle anything. I yell, I wince, I pace, I sigh. To live with good health would be ecstasy. To not have weird symptoms, to not have pain, to not have to have countless tests and doctor appointments and empty speculations about what's wrong (and why), would be ecstasy. To not have to pretend to be well would be ecstasy. To not have to worry about the body would be ecstasy. But the days of good health are probably over for me. I'm simply grateful that things aren't worse. I'm grateful that I can still be grateful, in spite of everything. It has been almost two years since the surgery. I keep hoping my body will bounce back, but it just doesn't bounce back. I simply have a different body now, a flawed and weakened body with eccentric symptoms, and that's the way it is. I need to embrace this, and travel on within this new reality.

An excerpt: What's horrifying is to watch the transformation that's going on, for every day I get further and further away from the person I was. I can't dance with my life anymore; now my life is a detour filled with obstacles, and I react extremely because I can't handle anything. I yell, I wince, I pace, I sigh. To live with good health would be ecstasy. To not have weird symptoms, to not have pain, to not have to have countless tests and doctor appointments and empty speculations about what's wrong (and why), would be ecstasy. To not have to pretend to be well would be ecstasy. To not have to worry about the body would be ecstasy. But the days of good health are probably over for me. I'm simply grateful that things aren't worse. I'm grateful that I can still be grateful, in spite of everything. It has been almost two years since the surgery. I keep hoping my body will bounce back, but it just doesn't bounce back. I simply have a different body now, a flawed and weakened body with eccentric symptoms, and that's the way it is. I need to embrace this, and travel on within this new reality.

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