Overview

Grey sex is saying “yes” but thinking “no.” It’s feeling invisible, like you’re not even in the room. It’s wondering afterwards, “is that really what I wanted?” or “did I just let that happen?” Many people have sexual experiences that fall into a grey area between assault and “normal” sex. Looking at heterosexuality and everyday domination, this book shows that, in doing so, we are neither simply victims nor failing to assert ourselves. We are caught in relations of gendered power that may be hard to name or that may, in a world filled with violence, not seem worth mentioning. Tempting as it is to blame individuals for grey sexual experiences, Kogl argues that we can’t make sense of the power at work if we remain stuck in self-blame or point the finger at perpetrators. The personal is still political: the most intimate activities are both shaped by and shapers of unjust sexual hierarchies.  Grey Sex walks us through the shadowy places between good and bad sex. With compelling insight into power relations that shape ambiguous sexual experiences and our sense of freedom, it is a valuable read for people interested in sexual intimacy and relationships, gender-based violence, and inequality.

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9781509558872

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Reviews

“Alexandra Kogl lays bare the insidious workings of gendered domination within everyday heterosexual relations, unpacking its complicated and confusing dynamics and highlighting the often overlooked harms.” Nicola Gavey, University of Auckland “In this brilliant book, Kogl uses women’s all-too-ordinary sexual experiences to understand grey sex as ‘everyday heterosexual domination.’ Insisting on the importance of the ‘grey,’ she makes a case for collective feminist liberation beyond simplistic ideas of ‘sex positivity.’” Tanya Serisier, Birkbeck, University of London “Grey Sex is a hugely impressive piece of work. Fine-grained, patient, and meticulous, it holds our concepts around sex to an exacting inquiry while simultaneously being capacious and sensitive to women's own troubling and painful experiences of sex. Kogl follows through in productive ways on a key question she poses, namely: ""what kind of power is both so invisible and so effective that, without physical threat, it disrupts our ability to produce lucid thought, let alone resist?"" I found Grey Sex hugely helpful and clarifying.” Katherine Angel, Queen Mary University of London

Author Information

Alexandra Kogl is Associate Professor of Political Science at the University of Northern Iowa.

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