Overview

Subsequent siblings, who are sometimes referred to as replacement children, were born after the death of a brother or sister. Their experiences are often unspoken; little has been written about them or from their perspective. This self-help, psychology non-fiction book breaks new ground by assembling rich and heartfelt life stories from a diverse group of subsequent siblings while also weaving in clinical literature and discussion. It is based upon over a hundred subsequent sibling interviews, which, to the authors’ knowledge, comprise the largest and most diverse sample to date of subsequent siblings. Through the subjects’ engaging narratives the reader can understand and empathize with some of the common obstacles and repercussions of the subsequent sibling role. Additional testimonies from parents and surviving siblings give the reader a clear vantage point of the complex and multilayered impacts of loss upon a family system. Those who are born after the death of a sibling enter a familial landscape that has been forever altered by loss. The book provides an overview of the parental experience of the loss of a child, explores the complexity of pregnancy after loss, and examines the intrauterine and attachment experiences of children born after loss. Some subsequent siblings are expected, consciously or unconsciously, to serve as a replacement for their lost sibling and to fill the void of loss. A variety of replacement dynamics may occur, and the subsequent child may be viewed as an inadequate replacement for a deceased and idealized sibling. The death of a child causes immense parental pain and impacts parenting approaches, perhaps resulting in impaired bonding or overprotectiveness of the subsequent child. The book will review common issues which subsequent siblings face, including survivor guilt, phobias, difficulties with identity formation, taking on caretaker roles, disturbances in bonding with parents, and a sense of pressure to heal their grieving families. As subsequent siblings were not born at the time of their sibling's death, their loss is often unrecognized and misunderstood. It is frequently complex for them to grieve for a sibling they did not meet, and to integrate their sibling's death into their life narrative. Like most mourners, many subsequent siblings have a need to make meaning of their loss. Some subsequent siblings can recognize strengths that they have gained because of their role. This book additionally includes chapters about surviving siblings, and children who were born after a sibling with special needs.

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9781538172162

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Reviews

"Born Into Loss is a wonderful work and a real contribution to the ways that children and their families deal with the enduring presence of a deceased sibling. While written for families, this book is a thoughtful and sensitive guide--but also a valuable asset to the counselors who assist them. It is a real gift!"" --Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, senior vice-president for Grief Programs, The Hospice Foundation of America Sibling loss often goes unnoticed and is downplayed, and its complexity deepens for replacement children, born after the death of a brother or sister. In this groundbreaking book, the authors intricately explore the emotional landscape of individuals living in the shadows, and compelled to fill roles left vacant by a deceased sibling they never had the chance to meet. This book is a reminder that even unacknowledged losses leave enduring imprints, and sheds light on the resilience and unique challenges faced by replacement children who navigate the intricate paths of grief and identity. --Dr. Heidi Horsley, executive director at Open to Hope Foundation; adjunct professor, Columbia University This book provides a vital and compassionate resource for bereaved parents who are pregnant with a subsequent child. In addition to addressing the experience of children born after loss, it includes supportive, informative suggestions for grieving parents, to help them understand their continuing bond to their deceased child and their attachment process with the baby that follows. --Margaret Murphy, nurse midwife; faculty, University College Cork; and co-author, Different Baby Different Story: Pregnancy and Parenting After Loss"

Author Information

Sarah Vollmann is a registered, board-certified art therapist, licensed independent clinical social worker, and doctoral student in Tulane University's DSW program. She maintains a private practice with a specialization in grief and loss, and she is a faculty member of the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition. As a member of the Artful Grief team of art therapists, she works with families facing suicide bereavement and traumatic loss. She is also the Lead Counselor at Buckingham Browne and Nichols School in Massachusetts, and an advisory board member of the Replacement Child Forum. She has published articles and book chapters on grief and loss, and she presents both nationally and internationally on art therapy, grief, and bereavement. Joann O’Leary has a PhD, MPH from the University of MN, and MS in Psychology from Queens University Belfast, NI. Endorsed as a Level IV research mentor in Infant Mental Health. She was 2018 Fulbright Specialist at University College Cork. Her research focuses on how perinatal loss and the pregnancy that follows impact families and has spoken nationally and internationally on this topic.

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