Overview

Got jealousy? Get joy! – through empathic compersion! What is compersion? What contexts promote or hinder its occurrence? Can we “learn” compersion, or at least invite more of it into our lives? Is compersion the “opposite” of jealousy as it is usually believed? Can learning about compersion have a wide social impact and play a role in dismantling mononormativity? This book addresses these questions and many more. The empirical data upon which this book is based draws from the author’s original qualitative study (see published dissertation here) with 17 consensually nonmonogamous (CNM) individuals who have experienced compersion, along with other relevant published literature. This book is the first to present a comprehensive theoretical model of compersion, first identifying its core components (empathic joy; gratitude for benefits derived from a partner’s other relationship(s); and compersion as dynamic, fluid, and on a spectrum), and then combining them with the six main factors that promote or hinder compersion at individual, relational, and social levels. The individual level includes two factors: ideological commitment to CNM values and self-security; the relational level includes three factors: relational security, connectedness, and trust; integration of partner’s other relationship(s); and positive perception of partner’s other relationship(s); and the social level includes one factor: community belonging. Each one of the aforementioned themes are thoroughly explained and illustrated by original stories and quotes from the author’s research participants, giving the book a personal tone. Another novel contribution of this book is its proposal that compersion needs to be redefined for uses in both CNM relationships and other relational contexts. To this end, two novel definitions for future use or inclusion in main English dictionaries are provided. Thus, while the content of this book is mostly targeted toward readers interested in CNM, this book will also be relevant to, and inclusive of, monogamous people interested in learning more about how compersion may apply to them. Lastly, the book argues that understanding compersion is an important step toward dismantling mononormativity by challenging the assumption that jealousy is the only valid response to extradyadic intimacy. This point has important social justice ramifications, since research shows that CNM individuals tend to be victims of stigmatization and discrimination in social settings based on the widespread cultural belief that CNM is somehow “inferior” (socially, morally, spiritually, etc.) to monogamy. Those implications are described focusing on four areas of theory and praxis: psychology, neuroscience, and social sciences; sexuality studies; philosophy and ethics; and, the law.

Full Product Details

9781538183939

Table of Contents

Reviews

Dr. Marie Thouin illuminates the transformative and enriching power of compersion. Through relatable stories and deeply researched wisdom, her insightful exploration guides readers towards fostering trust, intimacy, and boundless love in all their relationships! --Joli Hamilton, PhD, MHC, CSE, founder of the Year of Opening; author of Project Relationship I have been describing this book to anyone who will listen! Marie Thouin works with existing research, as well as her own to identify key elements of compersion and how to facilitate or discourage it within relationships! I haven't ever seen it laid out this clearly before--anyone working with CNM in their clinical practice needs to read this book. Clients come in wanting this information from clinicians and many simply don't have it. --Elizabeth Duke, PsyD Marie Thouin gives readers a fresh take on how to understand the benefits and nuances of compersion within intimate relationships. More importantly, this book offers a road map and comprehensive model for how to use this knowledge to promote compersion within relationships that greatly benefit from it. --Ashley Ramos, MA, AMFT Marie Thouin has been at the vanguard of compersion research for a decade, and her book is destined to become a classic. What Is Compersion? boldly and compassionately presents both the first evidence-based model of compersion and a plethora of practical tools to cultivate this jealousy-transforming positive emotion in everyday life. Regardless of whether you lean toward monogamy or polyamory (or somewhere in-between), this groundbreaking book will assist you to achieve freer and more fulfilling intimate relationships--and to open your heart beyond what both culture and history have considered possible. --Jorge N. Ferrer, PhD, California Institute of Integral Studies; author of Love and Freedom: Transcending Monogamy and Polyamory This book breaks down the assumptions and stereotypes frequently levied against non-monogamous relationships and provides both an academic examination as well as a practical model for moving past them and into positive, mutually ethical dynamics of compersion and joy. --Jeanne Marie Kusina, interim director of The Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning; Distinguished University Lecturer, The University of Toledo This book brings CNM lifestyle to the fore, and removes stigma, by illustrating through qualitative research the benefits and values of moving to compersion. She shows how emancipation from fear of threat, loss, and abandonment can be achieved through compersion in CNM relationships. --Shari Collins, University of Arizona This book labels and articulates the elusive, yet powerful, experience at the heart of polyamory: compersion. While the practical benefits of polyamory are obvious (e.g., more diverse sex, an intimate support network, sharing of material resources, more care-givers and role-models for children, etc.), compersion, the empathetic sharing in the joy of multiple partners, is the emotional glue and goal that unites poly-folk. Marie Thouin has given a name to this feeling and systematically explores its nature, practices, and implications. --Albert Spencer, communications director, Society for the Advancement of American Philosophy and assistant professor, Department of Philosophy, Portland State University

Dr. Marie Thouin's book, What Is Compersion? is a monumental step in helping to rewrite the monogamous script that runs our modern world. Her research and perspectives about compersion challenge this very outdated programming, and, I believe, have the potential to shift all relationships in the best possible way. This is how we make real changes within ourselves, which inevitably will extend out into our world making it a more loving and compassionate place to be. --Carrie Jeroslow, best-selling author, relationship diversity advocate, and host of the Relationship Diversity Podcast I have been describing this book to anyone who will listen! Marie Thouin works with existing research, as well as her own to identify key elements of compersion and how to facilitate or discourage it within relationships! I haven't ever seen it laid out this clearly before--anyone working with CNM in their clinical practice needs to read this book. Clients come in wanting this information from clinicians and many simply don't have it. --Elizabeth Duke, PsyD One of the most difficult aspects of approaching consensual non-monogamy is unlearning notions of competition and ownership in relationships. Part of that difficulty is that we don't often have specific resources or models for success in that regard. Dr. Marie Thouin is tackling that head-on and it's a long time coming. --Kevin A. Patterson, M.Ed., author of Love's Not Color Blind Over the past three decades, psychotherapy has experienced an important corrective by integrating bodily experiences into its therapeutic approaches. What Is Compersion? by Marie Thouin serves as a critical resource for an evolutionary step in psychotherapy. Understanding compersion will not only equip therapists with new relationship models, but also guide their clients in interpersonal pedagogies of joy. --Joseph Kramer, PhD, somatic sex educator Dr. Marie Thouin illuminates the transformative and enriching power of compersion. Through relatable stories and deeply researched wisdom, her insightful exploration guides readers towards fostering trust, intimacy, and boundless love in all their relationships! --Joli Hamilton, PhD, MHC, CSE, founder of the Year of Opening; author of Project Relationship Marie Thouin gives readers a fresh take on how to understand the benefits and nuances of compersion within intimate relationships. More importantly, this book offers a road map and comprehensive model for how to use this knowledge to promote compersion within relationships that greatly benefit from it. --Ashley Ramos, MA, AMFT Marie Thouin has been at the vanguard of compersion research for a decade, and her book is destined to become a classic. What Is Compersion? boldly and compassionately presents both the first evidence-based model of compersion and a plethora of practical tools to cultivate this jealousy-transforming positive emotion in everyday life. Regardless of whether you lean toward monogamy or polyamory (or somewhere in-between), this groundbreaking book will assist you to achieve freer and more fulfilling intimate relationships--and to open your heart beyond what both culture and history have considered possible. --Jorge N. Ferrer, PhD, California Institute of Integral Studies; author of Love and Freedom: Transcending Monogamy and Polyamory This book breaks down the assumptions and stereotypes frequently levied against non-monogamous relationships and provides both an academic examination as well as a practical model for moving past them and into positive, mutually ethical dynamics of compersion and joy. --Jeanne Marie Kusina, interim director of The Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning; Distinguished University Lecturer, The University of Toledo This book brings CNM lifestyle to the fore, and removes stigma, by illustrating through qualitative research the benefits and values of moving to compersion. She shows how emancipation from fear of threat, loss, and abandonment can be achieved through compersion in CNM relationships. --Shari Collins, University of Arizona This book labels and articulates the elusive, yet powerful, experience at the heart of polyamory: compersion. While the practical benefits of polyamory are obvious (e.g., more diverse sex, an intimate support network, sharing of material resources, more care-givers and role-models for children, etc.), compersion, the empathetic sharing in the joy of multiple partners, is the emotional glue and goal that unites poly-folk. Marie Thouin has given a name to this feeling and systematically explores its nature, practices, and implications. --Albert Spencer, communications director, Society for the Advancement of American Philosophy and assistant professor, Department of Philosophy, Portland State University

Author Information

Marie Thouin, PhD, is the creator of www.whatiscompersion.com, a popular website that features her research, as well as personal and guest blogs, media appearances, and a list of resources on the topic of compersion. She is also the founder of Love InSight, a Mindful Dating & Relationship Coaching practice through which she helps people of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and relational styles navigate the many challenges of intimate love—including those transitioning to non-monogamy or alternative relationship structures. Thouin serves as Editor at the International Journal of Transpersonal Studies, a leading peer-reviewed publication in the fields of transpersonal and whole-person psychologies. She carried out her doctoral dissertation on compersion in consensually non-monogamous individuals in the East-West Psychology department at the California Institute of Integral Studies, San Francisco. Her seminal work on compersion has been featured in multiple publications and podcasts, including ELLE, Multiamory, Loving Without Boundaries, Leading Edge Love, The Shame Free Zone, and Sex Out Loud.

Tab Content 6

Customer Reviews

Recent Reviews

Countries Available