Overview

Men today are starved for sexual formation. They've been failed by parents, churches, and culture alike, leading to widespread shame, confusion, and brokenness in the area of sexuality. In The Sex Talk You Never Got, therapist Sam Jolman helps men reconnect their God-given sexuality with innocence, awe, and joy, and shows readers how to celebrate--instead of struggle against--the gift of sexual desire. In our sex-saturated world, it might seem surprising that men need more talk about sex. But the reality is that sexuality is one of the most neglected aspects of men's lives. From the woefully inadequate sex talks many young men receive from parents (little more than an anatomy lesson or a purity lecture, if anything at all) to cultural messages that unhelpfully weave both shame and permissiveness into men's understanding of their own sexuality and masculinity, too many boys and men experience sexual desire as an area of struggle, confusion, and brokenness. But it doesn't need to be this way. God made men to be moved, to live with wonder and awe--and sexual desire must be formed within the context of that design. Sam Jolman, a professional therapist who specializes in men's issues and sexual trauma recovery, shows men the way out of the wilds of sexual struggle. This timely and incisive book will help readers learn about the vital link between sexual desire and their identity as worshipers; regain a wild and vigorous sexuality within the context of God's design; understand how purity culture has needlessly put men in a conflict-ridden relationship with their sexuality; see sexual purity not as the goal but as the preparation for becoming fully alive to beauty, awe, and worship; and discover how to trade shame and confusion for a sexuality that's filled with innocence and wonder.   In the Bible, Jesus' greatest kindness was often offered to those suffering sexual harm and brokenness. He offers this same kindness today. He does not want men to repent of their sexual desire. Rather, through reconnecting sexuality with innocence and awe, God opens the door for men to experience the wild joy of desire, rightly ordered toward worship and God's good purposes for their life.

Full Product Details

9781400243907

Table of Contents

Reviews

'Reading The Sex Talk You Never Got is like seeing the Northern Lights for the first time and being dazzled by the intricate weaving of colors that are both intoxicating and overwhelming. Sam Jolman brilliantly weaves the core realities of the human condition--desire, beauty, shame, trauma, and redemption--into a perspective that will bring grief for what you missed and glory for who you are and who you could become. As much as this is a phenomenal book on men's sexuality, it is also a way of thinking and being as to what it means to be truly human.' * DAN B. ALLENDER, PHD, PROFESSOR OF COUNSELING PSYCHOLOGY AND FOUNDING PRESIDENT OF THE SEATTLE SCHOOL OF THEOLOGY AND PSYCHOLOGY * 'Sam Jolman is tender with the topic and nuanced in his care, envisioning a better story of sexuality for those who dare to believe in its possibility. A book written for men that encouraged and challenged the heart of this woman as well.' * LORE FERGUSON WILBERT, AUTHOR OF THE UNDERSTORY, A CURIOUS FAITH, AND HANDLE WITH CARE * 'Seldom am I stunned and moved to awe (and tears!) merely by reading a book. But Sam's words took my breath away--not just once, but over and over again. I'm eager to commend it broadly, but I'm also savoring its healing work in my story, in my soul, in my body. This is an exquisitely written and desperately needed book.' * CHUCK DEGROAT, PHD, professor of pastoral care and Christian spirituality and executive director at Western Theological Seminary's Clinical Mental Health Counseling Program, and licensed professional counselor *

'In the Christian community, male sexuality is often viewed as something out of control, if not dangerous. Consequently, men are asked to manage or suppress their sexual desire, denuding themselves of the beauty and passion inherent in sex. The Sex Talk You Never Got offers a way out that encourages men to grapple with the complexities of their story and become an integrated and awe-filled lover. Sam Jolman anchors us in wise counsel and soul honesty, inviting us to a striking and holistic vision of male sexuality that we need now more than ever. Sam has written a beautiful book and it's one I hope is read widely.' * JAY STRINGER, PSYCHOTHERAPIST AND AUTHOR OF UNWANTED: HOW SEXUAL BROKENNESS REVEALS OUR WAY TO HEALING * 'Reading The Sex Talk You Never Got is like seeing the Northern Lights for the first time and being dazzled by the intricate weaving of colors that are both intoxicating and overwhelming. Sam Jolman brilliantly weaves the core realities of the human condition--desire, beauty, shame, trauma, and redemption--into a perspective that will bring grief for what you missed and glory for who you are and who you could become. As much as this is a phenomenal book on men's sexuality, it is also a way of thinking and being as to what it means to be truly human.' * DAN B. ALLENDER, PHD, PROFESSOR OF COUNSELING PSYCHOLOGY AND FOUNDING PRESIDENT OF THE SEATTLE SCHOOL OF THEOLOGY AND PSYCHOLOGY * 'Sam Jolman is tender with the topic and nuanced in his care, envisioning a better story of sexuality for those who dare to believe in its possibility. A book written for men that encouraged and challenged the heart of this woman as well.' * LORE FERGUSON WILBERT, AUTHOR OF THE UNDERSTORY, A CURIOUS FAITH, AND HANDLE WITH CARE * 'Seldom am I stunned and moved to awe (and tears!) merely by reading a book. But Sam's words took my breath away--not just once, but over and over again. I'm eager to commend it broadly, but I'm also savoring its healing work in my story, in my soul, in my body. This is an exquisitely written and desperately needed book.' * CHUCK DEGROAT, PHD, professor of pastoral care and Christian spirituality and executive director at Western Theological Seminary's Clinical Mental Health Counseling Program, and licensed professional counselor *

Author Information

Sam Jolman is a professional therapist with over twenty years of experience. He specializes in men's issues and sexual trauma recovery. Being a therapist has given him a front row seat to hear thousands of men and women share their stories. His writing flows out of this unique opportunity to help men work through and understand their stories and find freedom from sexual trauma. He received his master's in counseling from Reformed Theological Seminary and was further trained in Narrative Focused Trauma Care by Dan Allender through the Allender Center at the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. Sam lives in Colorado with his wife and three young sons--the people that inspire his writing. Together they enjoy exploring the best camping spots in Colorado in their pop-up camper. Sam goes to therapy, loves mountain biking, and can often be found trying to catch his breath on the floor of his local CrossFit gym.

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